Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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