i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
