Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
