I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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