He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
this hospital has no fireball
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
