I puked a lego.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
