Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize