Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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