maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
