i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
