I'm gonna have a badass scar
4 words: hood of his car
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
