You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
