Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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