I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
