thus making me awesome and them whores
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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