my mouth tastes like poor choices
Duck Duck Cougar?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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