this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Drake has all the answers
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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