"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
