seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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