Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
