Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
