i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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