what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sober January is a disaster.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
