so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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