She said her name was "party"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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