you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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