Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
