I will die if light touches me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
