Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
