just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
