my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
