dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
