He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
