dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I love you. Go after that dick
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize