we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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