she was so not down for the gang bang
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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