if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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