Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize