Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
