I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
