I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
