ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
