you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
