Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
