I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
