I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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