Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
