:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
