I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
