Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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