It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
