I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
