But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
