Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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