I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
