Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize