Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize