Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
