It's Friday. Sex?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
