dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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