6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and she was petting her beer can
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
