I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
