so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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