Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
