jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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