I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Randomize
