she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize