if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't put those talents on a resume
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
