There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
