I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
