honey bunches of taint.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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