K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you never un-have a 4some
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