I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
